Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.
- Carl Jung
Self-doubt is a particularly cruel side effect of narcissistic abuse. Having been excessively gaslighted and shamed, the target turns away from their True Self, finding it too painful to go inside. As a result, they stop trusting their instincts and become crippled by indecision.
There is only one road back to your inherent wisdom, and it runs through shame. Pride without a counter-force leads to delusion and ignorance. The wise sage not only tolerates shame, but immerses themselves in it, using it to ground themselves long enough to absorb the needed knowledge. This makes sense when you think about it. The grandiose person believes they know everything, so they have nothing new to learn. Shame is the emotion of limitation, which reminds you in no uncertain terms that you do not know everything. It may be a heavy feeling to hold, but within this mysterious emotion is the capacity to know a little more. Toxic shame is destructive because it crushes you. Facing and releasing it, however, reveals a milder and healthier form which gives the sage their power.
Put simply, narcissism is the avoidance of shame, the fear of that horrible feeling of being inferior and unworthy. When managed well by the healthy parent, shame can help raise the child...
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