Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
- Joseph Campbell
Those in a split state of mind pine for that special someone who can lift them out of despair and love them unconditionally. This ‘divine’ person will supposedly improve our life, soothe our fears and make us whole. This archetype is the ideal which inspires us toward a higher love. It instils in us hope, until we mature and realise that no one can be that perfect. Humans, magnificent as they are, cannot be Gods.
Although the divine being never disappears from our psyche, it intoxicates those who have not sufficiently resolved their split. As long as this ambiguous hunger controls us, the narcissist has a constant stream of narcissistic supply, able to dazzle us into lowering our boundaries. Moreover, love remains a ‘thing’ to be captured rather than being an agent for growth. Chasing after it in this way squanders our vitality in a Sisyphean pursuit of wanting but never quite getting. By withdrawing our energy from this pipe dream, we can a) channel it toward self-actualisation, and b) direct it into imperfect yet authentic relationships based on mutuality and growth.
When we love someone, the fear of losing that person can lead to us fantasising about them remaining in our lives forever. Here the ego is trying to ‘freeze’ our loved one in place as a form of security. That is why our heart aches when we long for someone — it is the pressure of trying to keep the fee...
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