Overcoming The Comparison Trap

Toxic shame is like quicksand — the more you struggle, the deeper you sink into it.

We try to escape toxic shame by compulsively comparing ourselves to others. Wealth. Career. Physical appearance. Talent. Through these comparisons, we hope to redeem our shame and somehow measure up. However, when your shame is toxic and unhealed, it becomes irredeemable from outside. Comparing yourself to others then becomes chronic, and shame acts as a measuring stick with which you masochistically punish yourself.

No amount of self-improvement can save you from toxic shame. Even when you find no reason to feel inferior, the shame fabricates one for you. For example, if you deem yourself somehow ‘better’ than someone, you might instead focus on how happy that person seems. You then berate yourself for being a grump in comparison, and conclude that you will always be miserable.

A Shift In Focus

In the age of social media, the comparison trap is supercharged. Rather t...