Are All Narcissists Evil?

There is a lot of talk online that narcissists walk around showboating, manipulating and thinking about evil deeds all day.

When you look at the Cluster B personality disorder map, you find that the reality is far more complex. Narcissists with psychopathy do have premeditated and malicious intent. They’re called malignant narcissists. Narcissists with a borderline core have empathy, and only cause harm because of their fear of abandonment and emotional dysregulation. Histrionics just want to be noticed and desired. That is, each ‘narcissist’ can be driven by different motivations.

Narcissism on its own is not necessarily about evil; it is a compensation strategy for chronic emotional neglect. Narcissists were never seen, which led to overwhelming shame and anxiety, and a bone-deep feeling that they were not worthy of love. This was too painful to face, and so they created a ‘special’ version of themselves which was worthy of being seen — at least in their minds.

While this leads to narcissists causing the people in their lives a lot of pain and confusion, it is not premeditated or intended to be evil. Many narcissists really do try to function within a moral framework, but find their fragmented self is too reckless to keep under control.

You also have schizoid narcissists, who are generally able to keep to themselves. Their narcissism eventually drives them to seek out supply, but after hurting someone or being hurt themselves in a relationship, they return to their isolation for an extended period.

Malignant narcissists create a lot of stigma and confusion. Also, the narcissist’s idealise-devalue-discard cycle creates immense pain for those the narcissist seduces and then brutally ghosts. To top it off, narcissists compensate for their fractured self and dissociation by conjuring new versions of reality to fill the blanks, just so they can feel normal and in control. This is called gaslighting.

This leads to the conclusion that narcissists without psychopathic tendencies, or certain narcissists low on the spectrum, can exhibit toxic symptoms without being necessarily ‘evil’ or premeditated. They might not be able to change their core, but they can alter surface behaviour and put structures in place to ensure they don’t ruin their lives or the lives of those around them.

Often a very difficult thing to achieve.