Narcissists Who Don’t Discard

The narcissist’s idealise-devalue-discard cycle is fast becoming mainstream knowledge for all students of narcissism and targets of narcissistic abuse.

Narcissists come on strong at the beginning then disappear in the coldest, cruellest possible way for a couple of major reasons. Firstly, the narcissist carries immense complex trauma, and their entire existence is predicated on avoiding it. As a result, they resort to fantasy to imagine themselves as superior and special to offset feelings of shame, and they offer the same to prospective partners. This is why they idealise with immense energy, as that energy is fuelled by overwhelming trauma. The devalue and discard phases are equally intense since they too are fuelled by trauma.

However, while the idealise phase is made pleasant by fantasy, the discard is made vicious by reality. That is, faced with the collapse of their fantasy, the narci...