How Prolonged Grief Fuels Narcissism

When you meet a narcissist, there is a tiny window of opportunity to catch them out.

If you’re lucky, you will enter the interaction rooted in reality. You understand that people hold the potential for good and evil. Civility tends to reign in your world, so to truly know the devil in a person takes time. Above all, you’ve come to learn that not all that glitters is gold. This is the inevitable developmental outcome of someone who has matured.

When such a ‘grounded’ person comes into contact with a narcissist, they feel this firm grip on reality slipping. Everything the narcissist says is polished and impressive, and everything the narcissist sees in the grounded person is dazzling. Having successfully navigated out of the magical state of mind of a child, the grounded person senses themselves being lulled back into fantasy. As the current of the narcissist’s grandiosity pulls the grounded person away, they must make a crucial decision: Disengage, or be dragged away for good.

The sane person disengages, and politely excuses themselves.

Yet not all of us are sane at all times. Some of us are plagued by complex trauma, and fantas...