How Narcissists Make You Believe You Are The Abuser

To maintain their ‘all-good’ image, the narcissist can only feel emotions which belong to a ‘superior’ person. Shame, guilt, sadness, doubt, anger; none of it acceptable. Therefore, the narcissist must find a way to covertly syphon their negative emotions into others instead. This is a shadow-denial process which Melanie Klein labelled ‘projective identification.’

Projective identification is done in disguise, usually beginning as a harmless ‘chat’ about something small you did wrong. As the conversation progresses, the narcissist will slip in their judgements and ‘hint’ toward other things you do wrong. The conversation then gradually and casually ‘drifts’ from a reasonable heart-to-heart into a hypnotic monologue. On the surface, you are locked into a normal conversation. However, using ...