How Narcissists Make You Believe You Are The Abuser

Understanding The Covert Art Of Reactive Abuse

Written by JH Simon

How Narcissists Make You Believe You Are The Abuser

To maintain their ‘all-good’ image, the narcissist can only feel emotions which belong to a ‘superior’ person. Shame, guilt, sadness, doubt, anger; none of it acceptable. Therefore, the narcissist must find a way to covertly syphon their negative emotions into others instead. This is a shadow-denial process which Melanie Klein labelled ‘projective identification.’

Projective identification is done in disguise, usually beginning as a harmless ‘chat’ about something small you did wrong. As the conversation progresses, the narcissist will slip in their judgements and ‘hint’ toward other things you do wrong. The conversation then gradually and casually ‘drifts’ from a reasonable heart-to-heart into a hypnotic monologue.

On the surface, you are locked into a normal conversa...


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If you have just started your narcissistic abuse recovery journey, check out How To Kill A Narcissist. Or if you wish to immunise yourself against narcissists and move on for good, take a look at How To Bury A Narcissist.



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