Can You Be A Narcissist And Have Borderline Personality?

When grandiosity splits from reality and becomes pathological, then a narcissist is made. Yet grandiosity is inherent in every person.

We all need to have a basic level of entitlement for having our needs met, and even to go as far as having the audacity to dream big. But we need to respect the rights of others, and we need to pursue our dreams realistically. This is healthy narcissism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a post-traumatic condition rooted in C-PTSD. However, borderline is also rooted in C-PTSD. What’s fascinating about narcissism is that it solves many of the symptoms of BPD. Emotional dysregulation, acting out, suicidal ideation, push/pull, fear of abandonment; narcissism greatly reduces these symptoms through a singular solution: the false self.

The false self is built on grandiosity and a permanent dissociation from the world. Where the borderline has holes in their defences, the false self is generally air-tight. While narcissists can be reckless, distant and sensitive to rejection and abandonment, they rarely experience these as extremely as the borderline. The borderline is like a wounded person without a bandage, whereas the narcissist has a bandage in the form of the false self. Push their wound hard enough, and they will feel the pain.

The core weakness of the false self is the need for narcissistic supply. Narcissists do not fear abandonment as much as they fear the loss of supply. If the narcissist is offended or loses supply, then the symptoms of borderline may show up. But the more durable the false self, the more hits it can take. In the worst cases, the narcissist can supply themselves through auto-eroticism, delusions and dissociating further. In extreme situations, when the false self is viciously attacked or loses critical supply, the narcissist may devolve into a complete borderline state.

A narcissist is generally a narcissist, and when their false self is propped up, they rarely exhibit borderline traits. But borderlines all have a partially-built false self. They all exhibit grandiosity on some scale — they just never completed the narcissistic project in childhood.

Some borderlines have little defences in childhood, but then eventually get a chance to finish their narcissistic false self in adulthood. An example is the borderline whose parents go through conflict and divorce in the borderline’s childhood. When the divorce is complete and the wound is created, things somewhat calm down. Only then does the borderline absorbs the grandiosity of their NPD parent. So this person has a borderline core, but a narcissistic overlay.

Many borderlines have delusions of grandeur. They see the world as a playground, and often get lost in their grandiosity. But because they are not full narcissists, this state collapses rather often, and they return to their borderline state.

There are some telltale signs that someone is a narcissist, which include the lack of certain symptoms and the presence of others. But borderlines, especially during crisis, can switch over to a narcissistic state for periods, in which case it can raise doubts about whether or not they are narcissists.