Spotting A True Narcissist In An Attention Economy

I recently set up an Instagram account and began posting. I tried to make natural poses, and include inspiring quotes which reflected my authentic experience as a writer. Yet after just three posts, I had an undeniable sense that I was entering into narcissistic territory. From this discomfort sprang a series of connected thoughts aimed at reassuring me. I began telling myself: This is how the world is now. There are millions of content creators online, fighting for attention. This is how you promote your business. We live in an attention economy. This is normal.

Job Title: Professional Narcissist

Browsing through TikTok and Instagram, it doesn’t take long to spot someone dancing or pulling off a stunt. Provocative titles lead you into homemade sketch comedy, many starring a busty woman in revealing clothing with her partner-in-crime. Other times the video is simpler and more direct. A woman or man simply stands in a pose, making micro movements or turns away to look disinterested.

The advent of social media has made gaining attention not only socially acceptable, but an indispensable part of our economy. Many people’s livelihoods now depend on the eyeballs of the many. For a true narcissist, the money would be nice to have, yet the undivided adoration of thousands or even millions of followers is where the gold is. A steady stream of anonymous likes, notifications and comments create a kind of virtual narcissistic supply.

So what would happen if all of this virtual supply dried up? Even if this content creator or influencer still had all the money in the world, how would they feel? The same as any narcissist, in all likelihood. They would feel the pain of narcissistic withdrawal.

Coming To Terms With A Narcissistic World

As someone with C-PTSD, my need for attention is shame-bound, in that I feel weird having it. Attention activates my guilt, telling me that I’m unworthy of it. What scares me, however, is the sense that when I do get that attention, I might just like it. That little potential psychopath or narcissist in the back of my mind, lurking within my shadow, pushes me forward while egging me on, reminding me of how great I can be — if I only let my doubts go. Thank God for my conscience. Impulsive as I can be in my complex-trauma responses, my conscience is always waiting for me when I come around.

A true narcissist is a narcissist from a young age. Being the addicts that they are, narcissists are notoriously inept at controlling their impulses. Their conscience has been shut off. If they can use you for supply and satisfaction, then they will. All that keeps their pathology in check are your boundaries, and the accountability and morals enforced by their community. Many narcissists toe the line in traditional and conservative societies, or at least do their work in the dark to avoid being exposed.

Now a new world has emerged, allowing narcissists to flex their pathology while turning it into a job. The overlap here with pornography is striking, where society channels its sexual needs into an entire industry. In some ways, the attention economy might be the healthiest path for narcissists to take. If a sexually-frustrated person can take out their aggression on pornography rather than harassing someone with it, is that not better? If a narcissist can step into the online spotlight and draw their narcissistic supply from virtual adulation, is that not better than them manipulating, shaming and abusing others in order to secure a source of supply?

Perhaps. Yet just like pornography, there is an elephant in the room when it comes to the attention economy — it is corroding our society. Pornography, especially the hardcore kind, creates unrealistic expectations in the young minds of its consumers.

For many sexually-active people wanting connection and healthy exploration of their desires, there seems to be an insatiable hunger in people they meet, even a sickness and corruption of their sexual tastes. How the pornographically-programmed lover pursues sex is detached from the needs and desires of their partner, with the images of the videos they watched primarily driving their actions. There is a terrifying gulf between mind, body and reality. Many men especially lose their desire when their partner ceases to live up to the standards of the women in hardcore pornographic films. Others simply lose their libido altogether.

You see this same corruption at play in any picturesque or natural public environment. In a sea of people simply enjoying their surroundings and connecting with each other, dozens of influencers arrive in their out-of-place outfits and camera equipment, carry out a photoshoot, and then leave. There seems to be an emptiness in their eyes during each pose. They seem to have zero appreciation for where they are — their mind is still online, imagining how this particular pose will be received. Unlike in the bedroom, here the gulf between mind, body and reality is on display for all to see.

The Narcissist And The Egg

All of this raises the question: Did the environment create the narcissist, or did the narcissist take to the environment like a fish to water? To help answer that, we need to go back to the fundamentals.

At heart, a narcissist is a chronically-unseen child, with who they truly were being glossed over. Covert narcissists were completely neglected and brushed aside, given minimal attention or emotional attunement. Overt narcissists also had their authentic Self neglected, yet were acknowledged in particular contexts which the parent valued. How they performed, or how they looked, for example. Narcissistic parents ‘love’ a child who makes them look good.

When you expose the true nature of the attention economy, you might be forgiven for calling it the ‘narcissism economy’. Rather than just the parent’s expectations as with a narcissistic child, the social media creator has countless people’s expectations to live up to. More and more this person is forced to imagine what version of themselves will draw and hold attention. For that, the social media creator needs their ego. Their personal life may then become a liability, as the ‘high-grade’ narcissistic supply of millions grows irresistible.

Eventually, the gulf between the authentic Self and the ego grows, and a similar dynamic to true, original narcissism develops. With their virtual ‘false’ self getting all the attention, the influencer’s authentic Self remains chronically unseen. And with that, a new form of pathological narcissist is born — a product of a 21st-century economy.

Something I’ll keep in the front of my mind as I plan future social media posts.