Soon after the discard, the narcissist seems to immediately move on to the next person without a hitch. After shaming and shattering a person’s self-esteem, the narcissist shows no remorse. The narcissist violates others, taking what they want, then moves on with little impact to their own life. While others exhibit the wear and tear of life, and buckle under the weight of their emotions, the narcissist seems as calm as a Spring day. How do they manage this?
To understand why narcissists seem to land on their feet every time, you need to separate the realms of reality and story.
To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle: At any point in your life, the time is now and you are here. What is possibly wrong at this moment, besides what your mind creates?If you are breathing, generally healthy and there is no immediate physical threat, then you are ‘on your feet’, so to speak.
This puts into perspective the ‘disasters’ in our lives. In the realm of reality, they are inconsequential. The world is still turning, your heart is still beating, energy is still flowing, and anything is possible. Only your mind and emotions are telling you otherwise.
If you ‘mess up’, your mind creates shame and guilt. If what you do is perceived negatively by others, you will feel the consequences of their anger and distaste. Unless physical violence or the breaking of a crime ensues, the disaster is purely based in the mind and the emotional body. That’s not to say that mistreatment is not real. It is. To ensure stability in our society, we need to take each other’s stories seriously.
The narcissist, however, does not take anyone else’s story seriously. They exist in the realm of their own story, where ego reigns. They create a story about themselves, a myth of superiority, and then manipulate others into engaging with it. The psychological energy and time invested into this story is real, and the emotional reactions are also real. For you. To the narcissist, it is all a construct of the mind. What happens outside of this construct is inconsequential. If their actions cause physical harm to themselves or others, then they will be forced to take things seriously for a moment. Otherwise, the ‘disaster’ is psychological. Your problem.
The narcissist refuses to feel shame, guilt or empathy. They refuse to apologise or make amends, unless it helps them maintain their control over you. They dwell purely in the realm of story. When reality brushes up against the dynamics of their story, they will simply change the story while ignoring reality.
Physical disasters must be dealt with by every human being, narcissists included. Psychological disasters are only dealt with by the narcissist’s target. The narcissist will deny the reality of what they have done, and if they are physically forced to deal with it, through violence or the law, they will fume until they are free again, wherein they resume constructing the story of how superior they are. They will compartmentalise the fall-out and misery experienced by their target, placing it in a box labelled ‘inconvenience’. As long as their ego is intact and supply is flowing, then they are ‘on their feet’.